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Living life!

  • Oct. 6th, 2008 at 9:45 PM
Heeee
I've been way too busy to blog! After my visit to my specialist, I got inspired to live life again and "move on" as he says. He told me to not be paranoid and that I can't live the rest of my life worrying! I guess it really made sense though in a way, he was saying that bo bian, I can't do anything unless your lungs really collapse again (which we can only confirm via CXR).

Soooo, I've been out and meeting up with friends and doing a hell load of stuff which I usually won't do.

Been on like a ghost hunting spree with a bunch of friend's friends and it was the first time I stepped into so many dark and creepy places! From cemetries to TJ to.. wait.. YES TJ! TJ is supposedly to be very haunted cause of some massacre during the Japanese Occupation. Also, went to those "favourite" spots like Labrador Park and Botanical Gardens. It was kinda scary but I do enjoy the thrill la. Something new!

Honestly, it didn't help that my faith started shaking even more after I watched a documentary. Can you imagine not having anything to hold on to when you're scared? I'm not atheist.. it's just that I have more questions? 

I've heard of September 11 being more complicated than it seems from Janice Tan years back and I guess this vidoe sorts of confirmed it with concrete evidence. It even talks about central bank and how it came about. Although the starting was a bit crappy and it's 2 hours long, I think everyone ought to watch it. It will give you a different insight to life.. we don't really live in such a simple world after all..

Zeitgeist: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1817848131611744924 *warning, not for the religious and faint hearted!

It's time to settle back into life and tame down on the outings. I have to catch up with my reading and also music!

Next few days will be rather busy! Time to get back on track (: 


That's not all in life.

Again and again.

  • Sep. 26th, 2008 at 6:22 PM
Emo
And to think a few months back, I toss the little orange card into a corner, thinking that I will never need it again. Just yesterday at around six-fifty in the morning, I went to dig for my appointment card again..

I'm seeing my specialist on Tuesday and hopefully he can do something about it. Now I'm quite unsure if I'm feeling better or it's still the same. Something is still there definitely and I don't feel comfortable but I don't know if it's better. I'm getting moody cause I've been sleeping a lot at home and to actually imagine the pain I have to go through again is very sucky.

On top of that, I'm feeling guilty as because of me staying at home to rest, some of my colleagues can't take their offs and leaves. And some are shouldering my responsibilities and things that I myself am suppose to do. I should have cleared my own shit and not make it the problem of others. Sigh.

Right now, I just hope it won't happen again cause I don't want go be hospitalized again and go through the chest tube again and I don't want it to affect my work.

Please make me well again.


This is really my cross.

Stupid bubble

  • Sep. 23rd, 2008 at 11:22 AM
Hmpf!
Good news: No residual penumothorax seen.

Bad news: An air bulla is probably present in the left apex with some pleural reaction on the chest wall.

I better not over exert the next few days and hopefully the air bubble will go away or dissolve on it's own! If not, a reoccurrence might happen.

Time to go sleep and rest.

Suay.


How many times man. Aiyoyo.



Oh dear..

  • Sep. 23rd, 2008 at 7:59 AM
Blank

I woke up this morning and my chest felt tight, again. It just felt queer cause when I breathe deeply and when I move too suddenly, it hurts. I feel that it can be so tiring when this kinda thing randomly happens in my life. I have no idea what causes it but it just kinda suck. I'm just left living my life, suffering from the side effects of my operation. Gah.

I'm sorry for being paranoid but I really can't help it  Three times is too big a figure for me to just ignore the slightest difference my chest area feels. Yes, I'm scared it will happen again. Say hello to "long" lungs.

I just have to deal with it.


Give me strength when I am weak.

The Grandson

  • Sep. 21st, 2008 at 10:56 PM
Urgh
I visited my paternal grandmother today at SGH. She was hospitalized cause of diabetes that became quite serious. It caused her foot to rot a little and it's black with pus oozing out at her toe. She is 92 this year.

What struck me was when I visited her, dad asked me to chat with her. I found it hard and that I couldn't do it. Firstly, there was this language barrier and secondly, cause we don't meet up often, I don't feel close to her at all.

It's quite sad I know but yeah, I felt a bit lost. Families should really keep close cause blood ties are thicker than a lot of things out there isn't it? We are connected by blood, but we have to put in the effort to keep in touch too. Yes, we are busy with our own lives but still we ought to keep up with the important things in life. Actually, it's not only families, close friends as well. We have to put in the effort so that the group can stay close. More often than not there is a pillar of support in a group. The one who organises and stuff. What happens when he or she is gone? Will the group collapse cause the rest don't bother about meeting up? Or will someone else eventually take over when they notice the emptiness without the group meetings? Or maybe, it should just be left to feelings. If you want to meet up, you meet up and if you don't you don't bother? Sometimes events that are specially organised for gatherings are kinda superficial as it is just a get together to catch up with people you haven met up in ages but I do appreciate them. At least catching up once in a while with people you aren't too close to does mean something cause you guys have once had this special connection somehow in the past and what we are today is cause of our past. We should never forget history right? 

Back to topic. This grandson here feels kinda guilty for not feeling very close to his paternal grandmother. Also, do we appreciate our senior citizens enough? Without them, will we be who we are today? It's sad, but when people age it seems like they lose their standing in our society. It's like they get less respect and they do jobs that are low paying and people avoid. I can't help feeling sad but I know I'm guilty of it as well.

An affluent society but yet we still have so many older folks that are not enjoying their lives till today.

They gave us what we have today. They deserve our respect.

We can be more loving right? 
 


My purpose here.
 

Where are you guys?!

  • Sep. 17th, 2008 at 11:33 PM
V^^

Our group is like shrinking cause everyone is just so busy with life! But we still manage to meet up in small groups once in a while (:
 

Here is an "inspirational video" to the rest to try to meet up soon:

 
Met up with Azi at her work place for dinner at Coffee Club!  

The burger I ate:




 

Then we went to Starbucks to chill. It was a super duper long walk there! I think there is just this coincidence we have with walking whenever the 4 of us meet up. The other tiem when we went to Siglap, Casey made us walk for like half an hour before we reach Cheesecake Cafe! *gasps* Anyway, pictures:
 





Look at the transformation!



The memoirs in Wanyi's wallet:



A super lame video we made:
 

Going out with them is just so carefree la. Since we're all so shou liaoz, don't really have to bother about anything and we can just chat away~ Hope our bunking at Ritz materilises!

New piece to practice - Primo part for Poet and Peasant! It's really quite a nice piece but the allegretto parts are hard!

Finally back to work tomorrow! I'm sure it will be a good day! (: 


I know not what to expect, but it's okay.

Ponders..

  • Sep. 17th, 2008 at 4:51 PM
*thinking*
This week's been good.

I had supper like two nights ago and I bumped into Darren at the prata place. I got reminded of our younger days in DCB and well it's been so many years. The episode that happened was probably like 4 years ago. TIme really flies.

A parcel got delievered to my house today. It was from JS. He got me 2 pairs of Levis' jeans! But they aren't really my most fitting size.. whoops.. now let's see what I can do with it..

I had a jamming session yesterday. It felt rather good cause Brian and I completed a lot of pieces and we're sort of on par in terms of playing. Now, I'm gonna practice this other piece we're gonna try again the next time we jam.

I've been out a lot and I think I ought to stay at home and nua for the next few days to catch up with my reading and well, enjoy my personal life and space.

Speaking of which, I got to go prepare cause I'm meeting half of the 8 of us for dinner.

Cheers!


Sometimes, we just need our own space.

I jogged.

  • Sep. 11th, 2008 at 10:37 PM
Heeee
Woah. It's been ages since I ran and it felt really shiok. With the wind blowing you on the face as you run and you don't get eaten up by the scorching sun. Shall try to make this a routine thing man.

My work place was sooo quiet today. Everyone's away for exercise and will only be back the week after. Woots.

Check out what I got today: 


Shuang huang somemore lehz! But to be honest I don't like eating the salted yolk in mooncakes. But still.. it's a present wor. The surprises of a TT. (: 

I just read the Sunday Times (whoops) and I read an article on euthanasia. That's something I will never have the courage to do. Maybe cause I'm Catholic or it's just how much I treasure life after having certain life threatening experiences in my short 20 years of living. How can we throw away something so precious? Something that millions and people hold so dearly to them. Something that once life can never be found again. To go through all the suffering and choose such an escape is cowardly. Alright. Maybe that's too harsh cause I have never been in the shoes of a person suffering so much that they want to die.. um.. maybe we shouldn't justify whether we live or we die? Our life is not ours alone to decide. What we do affect the others around us. Even if i were to live and suffer tremendous pain, I will sought other leeway. Suicide, be it legal or not, will definitely not be my option.

If I were to run as far as my feet can carry me, I will run home.

Nuances

  • Sep. 10th, 2008 at 9:15 PM
*thinking*
I had random thoughts just now. I haven't been exactly nice lately probably cause I haven't slept much due to late night outings. Been suppering quite a bit and I end up sleeping around 2-3am! Lack of sleep makes me a grouchy young man.

Past week I busy meeting up with friends and having lessons but it does feel rather fulfilling. Next week I'll be on off/leave for 2.5 days! Meaning I can slack at home and just simply enjoy lazing around my abode.

Sometimes socializing is such a tiring thing to do. Do we seriously need so many friends or how many are truly people we can call friends? At the end of the day, when you're in need, who will be the one to come to your rescue? At different stages of our lives we mix with different groups of people so which are really friends and which are acquaintances? Many people use the term friend loosely and calls everyone they know their friend. For me, I believe that a friend is someone who has came to know me for who I am and has accepted me. Not one who just befriends me for superficial reasons. A friend is someone whom I know I can rely on when in times of need and someone who loves me. Of course it has to be a mutual thing. Seriously, we ought to take time to develop closer bonds with a few individuals rather than trying so hard to make peace with everyone we cross paths with.

Another topic of interest recently with my peers is that of relationships. Maybe I'm just quite busy lately or I have had a few bad experiences, but right now I don't really see a need in getting attached. I think it is best to really sit down and decide what you want out of a relationship going all out for one and end up being lost. Having a special relationship definitely has potential to make life more wonderful, but at the same time, one that is not properly maintain can spell catastrophic disaster. Think about what you want out of it before going into one.

  • Never go into a relationship cause of obligation cause it makes you a sad and lost party.
  • Never stay in a relationship because of habit cause you know deep inside it will eventually come to an end (my sis' friend's 7-year ended recently). Yes it is true to like "hold on" and persevere but if you know it is no point, then what for spend so much time and effort nurturing something that won't last? 
  • Never stay in a relationship that has hidden agenda cause once you remove the "value" of yours, you are as good as being dumped.
  • Never follow love blindly cause feelings can come and go very easily. It's the attraction of an individual's character and personality (not looks or figure) that is the one that stays.
And that was the thoughts of Kevin The Crapper.

=S

The 2 hour power nap I had was indeed power. I feel so refreshed right now.

The finer things in life.

From Long Ago!

  • Sep. 5th, 2008 at 10:25 AM
*wishing*
Zhiren forwarded an e-mail with like childhood day pictures and I saw this!

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THIS IS LIKE MY CHILDHOOD GAME! Last time during the old days of Sega Station or dunno Sega what, I used to play this fighting game! But to be honest, I didn't even know it's called Bare Knuckle cause it was probably before I could read properly. =X This is like reminiscing man!

Went for my dental at PLAB just now and I'm on leave today. I only worked two days this week man. Feels kinda shiok man. ORD mood lo! Actually still have 7+ more months to go. ZZZzzzzZzZz...

Alex finally ORDs today! After such a long time, I'm so glad he can finally leave! He will be giving us a treat at Balaclava! Hope they don't check our ID man.

I just had a random thought cause I got reminded of an individual: 

Good people vs Bad people. You can't really judge can you? Everyone has their good and bad, it's up to you which side you choose to focus on. For me, I prefer to look at the good of others but sometimes I'm afriad, the bad overshadows any purity that is within. When that happens, I really can't help it. Sorry.

I think msn minesweeper hates me. I always lose lehz.

Gonna enjoy my weekends! Woots.

Loving life~

Yeah!


Making good decisions in life..

Bowling!

  • Sep. 3rd, 2008 at 9:44 PM
Spas
It was bowling day during my off day yesterday! Head off to Kallang for a few rounds with the guys: 

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Tnx Carol + Mu for the new top! =D

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Following that, we had Tian Ji porridge at Tampines and Gelare at Siglap. Thanks to those that drove!

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Xin Wang:

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Louis was teething hence he looked grumpy. I think my own wisdom teeth are coming out as well. I have bloody 4 which are impacted! That means once they really ache a lot, I will have to get surgery to remove them. *gasps* If you're to come out, please come out during NS period so that I can extract them for free. =X

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And I was on MC today. Chest was tighth and I had sorethroat. But after sleeping the whole day, it was much better! Today was kinda a torture day as well cause Sis touched town and she and mum insisted they put their hands on my face to give me some form of facial! Totally regretted lying down cause it hurts a lot and now parts of my face are lke reddish. I wonder if I continue to let them torture me I will have a complexion like Carol's pretty boy (which I presume is damn good). Haha.

Oh and Genie pigs made me laugh out loud quite a bit on msn. =P

Jya!


Learning new things as I move along in faith..

Lunch, Dinner + Supper

  • Sep. 1st, 2008 at 6:45 PM
Heeee

So it was a day of gathering and eating. Besides eating, the only thing I did was sleep!

Ate at BaliThai for lunch! I simply adore the food there:
 

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After lunch I went home to sleep and overslept! Hence was late in meeting Casey and WY! Rushed down to bedok and we took a bus to PP. Settled for dinner at Astons and had cakes at Cheesecake Cafe after that. Casey made us walk the whole way there! Shouldn't have listened to her when she told us that is was near! GAH. Luckily they still had cakes and it was nice, ambience was good and company was pricelss. If not, we would have skinned her alive!
 

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Neh and her "Ni Bu Yao Jing?"
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Found this haunted looking place:

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Present from Yun!

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Had a lot of fun with the gatherings and celebration. I was still quite zonked from the excitedment that I felt damn sleepy at work today (despite all the snooze I had yesterday).

Our topic at the cafe grew "emo" and we started talking about serious stuff. I guess it's really time to start thinking about what I want to do in life. Like what WQ reminds me from time to time when I pop by his office. Job satisfaction, monetary happiness or just something to get by? Life is all about choices huh. It's difficult to make decisions at times but yet it adds all the thrill into it.

I see with my own eyes. That's not the life I want. Can I avoid it? 


Wait or decide? 

Digit 2!

  • Aug. 31st, 2008 at 5:08 AM
Snooze (with JS & Xian's eye)

So I'm finally 20! One more year and I'll officially be an adult!

Met up with batchmates and we caught Wall.E. It isn't a fantastic film but I think it's worth watching cause the plot is not bad and some parts are surprisingly touching. After which, we shopped around a lilttle before the girls met us and we had dinner at Crystal Jade LMXLB. =D Watching Qtz finish his noodles was rather entertaining. Haha. The "Kev" has found a special place on top of the piano. Tnx a lot for it guys! 

Clubbing at Dbl O wasn't that fantastic. Yun was there with her Citibank friends and she got me a damn nice cardholder and cakes from Canele! So paisehz to make you puo fei bff! If you're reading this, really thank you for all that you've done for me and I was really touched! =D Toast to our 1, 2, 3, 4... (close to) 8 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP! And yes, though we seldom meet up you've played an important role in my life. Thanks so much for everything la!!!!

Tnx to MJ, TTK and Neem for clubbing tonight. I know it wasn't your comfort zone but you did it for me. Zzz.. tnx dudes!

<3

Bed time!


Not just numeric. 

MUS TA FA!

  • Aug. 30th, 2008 at 2:45 AM
Spas

This is damn weird. 4 people wished me happy birthday already when it isn't my birthday today! LOL! But thanks for being early!

I got my first Teachers' Day present!
 

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Sis got some sweet potato mooncakes. Mooncakes are definitely something that I only enjoy seasonal. Give them to me everyday and I'll be sick of it within a week!

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Uncle fetched MIKA to Mustafa for shopping! We bought quite a bit of stuff and it was fun browsing through all the items. It wasn't that crowded so it was quite a splendid experience.

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In the Car

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Cup noodles for duty!

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I met Charles in Mustafa!


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And we found Peter & Jane! OMG! It's like so many childhood memories for us Singaporean kids man.

And there was flower paradise..

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Ian reminds me of Qi Yu Wu's character in 881 when he was carrying the chicken prancing around at the back. Tsk.


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And yes, please don't jamp about!

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Bedok 85 was a great finishing!
 

Catching Wall.E tomorrow! Heard it's quite good.

Alright, I should be heading for bed soon.

Nights World.


It's really hard to tell isn't it? 

Aug. 29th, 2008

  • 6:17 PM
Smile
So today we had our first Famliy day! My family was late cause sis only touch down today at 6.30am. So the tour around ARMC was kinda exciting but all the kids were just interested in finding the logos to claim prizes. After the open house, we proceeded to PLAB to view aircrafts. It was quite cool looking at all the planes. Unfortunately, due to the humid weather (didn't help that it was drizzling) I didn't enjoy fully. Nevertheless, took loads of pictures which I will upload once I get from Ms Euan and Belle. (: 



Photos from Alex's ORD lunch celebration: 
 

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Admin Branch!

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Some pictures from open house:  

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Family and the G-Fet machine!

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Bumped into Ah Tan in PLAB. 

My colleagues got me a new set of headphones! Wiesheng and Conan went Comex yesterday and they got this for me after trying on loads of headphones. These are really good cause they block out all the sound and it makes the sound so much better. Woots. 

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Sis got me more goodies: 

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Wah. Feeling quite bliss now. =D And livejournal was being silly and sent me a reminder that Laevo's brithday is coming. O_o

It's going to be a fun night tomorrow! x)


I can't wait. (: 
V^^
Haven seen Bernard in a long while. Thanks to MJ for organising our gathering yet again. (: 

I think sometimes we do take him for granted but really, I think all of us appreciate you for always organising our outings! Thanks MJ! I think I have to get used to my friends being late.. like half an hour kind. =X

Photos!


Listening to PnW songs and reading a religious book. Feeling some stuff and doing some inner reflections. I know I'm not a very religious person but somehow this book is indeed enlightening. 

Just an extract from it that I thought was so meaningful:

" Many people are driven by resentment and anger. They hold on to hurts and never get over them. Instead of releasing their pain through forgiveness, they rehearse it over and over in their minds. Some resentment-driven people 'clam up' and internalize their anger, while others 'blow up' and explode it onto others. Both responses are unhealthy and unhelpful. 

Resentment always hurts you more than it does the person you resent. While your offender has probably forgotten the offense and gone on with life, you continue to stew in your pain, perpetuating the past. 

Listen: Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment. Your past is past! Nothing will change it. You are only hurting yourself with your bitterness. For your own sake, learn from it, and then let it go.."

It's a book I got for sis last Christmas and I found myself reading it when I saw it lying around. It's The Purpose Driven by Rick Warren and if you're looking for a reason in living, maybe you wanna pick it up. 

Staunch Christian?

Nehz. 

It's still me being me. Just want to be inspired. 


That isn't the only thing in life.

Thinking Thoughts

  • Aug. 25th, 2008 at 8:36 PM
Emo
Imagine that there's a little down by the beach and he has with him a spade and a bucket. He dug a small hole in the sand with his spade and next he attempts to fill all the water in the ocean into the hole.

The hole in the sand represents the amount of knowledge our mind can contain while all the water simply means all that is there to be known. Sometimes, our mind can not perceive the greatness of the things that are happening around us and there are too many events that we can't put an answer to. Instead of constantly debating solutions and always seeking answers, it might just be better to accept the fact that we can't be omnipotent.

First comes acceptance, followed by purpose and lastly comes deliverance?

Gah.

The only real obstacle to overcome is yourself.

Drink, drank, drunk.

  • Aug. 23rd, 2008 at 3:49 PM
Urgh
I didn't get drunk but I got tipsy enough to know what it feels like to drink till your head spins and till you can't control your movements properly.

So in the end, Sis and gang PS-ed me and I didn't go to Zouk, was out at Dbl O with Esmond, Clarice and friends. By the time Azi, Bolz and Alan came, I was quite gone already. I don't usually drink a lot and last night we shared a couple of jugs and random people passed me stuff and I drank 3 shots. After that was cuiness. Luckily my frineds didn't leave me lying on the floor like one of the guys we saw. Oh and I missed the free entry again. I've never ever gotten in for free and almost miss by like a couple of minutes. Maybe I'm really not fated to club there man.

After Esmond and his friends left at 1+, I joined Azi and rest. It was quite crazy cause after we ended there, they were not satisfied enough and we went to MoS till it closed. It was so smoky in there and it was really packed in Smooth. Second time I'm there and still I don't like it.

It's time to make a resolution. No more booze for the coming month and I promise that the next time I go clubbing, I will drink the minimal. I really hate the feeling and I felt like a fool. Argh.


Company appreciated. Thanks.

Outing with Mum & Sissy!

  • Aug. 22nd, 2008 at 5:54 PM
Smile

I wanted to swim but it rained so I slacked at home before meeintg them for shopping! 

It was suppoesd to be a Gucci wallet but I told her I wanted something else instead and.. .

Tadang! My first gift - from my beloved sister! =D Finally I have a decent one to use and can toss the cranky aside. The old iPod leaks battery like nobody's business and most of the time it's quite a reliable source of entertainment. And yes I agree with Uffie who was featured today in Urban that the iPod really does make the world a much better place. (: Hooray and 3 cheers for adel!

Just browsing through old photos and I found the Nafa access course guys:



Those were really the carefree days after O levels man. Everyone is busy with their lives and those that left haven't met up in ages. I wonder if those who stayed are doing well. Maybe because I know I wasn't good enough, that's why I chickened out, or maybe I really want to play my own music without strings attached, or maybe, it's just God's will. That all this pneumothorax happened for a reason and he knows that even if I become a musician, I won't have been able to make it.. no matter what, it could have been worse. So far, I'm still happy with the choices I made throughout my 19 years as a human being. 

Hope tonight's event will be fun. It will be Wardrobligns @ Zouk followed by Dbl O. 

"Late at night when all the world is sleeping, 
I stay up and think of you.."


Question is, who is you


And today, I shall read chapter 2 of You.

Money No Enough 2

  • Aug. 22nd, 2008 at 11:42 AM
Blank

And so we caught the movie yesterday. It kinda sucked in the beginning and I thought it was stupid and the back was quite draggy. BUT, I can't deny that it was a great film. It was really touching and it reflected well on what Singapore is facing, aging population. It was really quite painful seeing how Mother was being tossed around by her kids and being blamed despite wanting the best for her kids. Sad but through and it's all happening right now. It just set me pondering, what can we do to salvage this? This is really true in our society but I just didn't bother to be aware of it. I know it's happening but it actually took a film to make me think through the pain of it. I felt sad and disappointed at myself cause at times, I don't treat my own grandmother with love too. I get angry at her for messing up my table and for every small little stuff which doesn't she does that doesn't really matter. Please, let me remember that without her there won't be me and let me appreciate her way more than now. 

For the parts where it touched me with endless love, I give this movie a thumbs up and a rating of 4 popcorns. Trust my rating. At least I don't read off a script. 

I hate pests.

Yeah, don't worry. I will know what to do. 


It isn't that bad, that I agree.